Bitemarks and Bloodstains

The centurion was a riproaring success. One terrific vom into the cafetiere and the seeds of a good night on the Tallinn tiles (well, cobbles) were sewn. The evening consisted mainly of talking to Lithuanian lesbians in denim jumpsuits and caps (Monty), falling out with and pushing an arrogant Italian (Gerald), being headlocked by an absolute unit from Germany (Walshe) and some massive fights in the street, with each other. Mike may have a hairline fracture beneath his epic bruise...

The hangover was good only for making us order enormous and unnecessary pizzas and, in Walshe's case, a lager which he promptly downed. We walked around in silly glasses and shorts, leering at what can only be described as the most attractive nation of women on the planet. To coin a phrase, "even the mingers are fit". We all 'got on it' in the evening - well I didnt, too hungover - and ended up in the most amazing club in the world: Club Hollywood. Walshe had major bird-eye and, to be honest, who could blame him? The aforementioned stunners from the streets flocked to this gaudy but ideal watering hole in their hundreds. No-one pulled but we did see a model in her particulars getting sprayed with water whilst gyrating on the bar. Yum. We got home at 6am.

Next day was Tartu time, so we got a short-ish bus to Tartu. In Estonia. Walshe slept the whole way. We did not. On arrival it struck us that no hostel had been booked, and all that we ventured into were fully booked. Drat. Fortunately we met the best receptionist in Europe who went far beyond the call of duty and made numerous phone calls to other hostels and B&B's on our behalf. We ended up in a beautifully quaint bed and breakfast with 70's wallpaper and the worst music television channel on Earth. We played poker into the small hours and then found out that our bus to Riga was at 6.30am, rendering a disgusting 5am wake up call. Dealt. Nonetheless, we got up and walked bleary-eyed to the bus depot. Walshe got a MacDonalds. The bus wasn't too bad and we made decent time, not even stopping for passport control on arrival in Latvia. A similar theme occurred with Doug asleep for the journey's entirety, leaving the rest of us slightly peeved. Nevertheless we arrived safely at midday in the Baltic metropolis: Riga.