"I've Been Texting Serj Tankian"

Sorry for the delay, but I am travelling. I can't just write blogs all the time. Greedy. Where were we? Ah yes, Bratislava. Well, there was no bus to Slovenia. At all. But luck can be a fickle mistress. The day before we wanted to leave Bratislava Richard Montague checked his Facebook. Inbox: 1. A certain Anna Bencze had offered us three lads FREE accomodation in the centre of Budapest. In Hungary. In the unimitable style of David Coleman: "Ah thank yah". After a great pizza near the Bratislava bus station, we jumped on a bus at the station. In Bratislava. And got a bus to Budapest.

We arrived late and had little to no clue where to go or where we were. The Budapest bus station was not on the map in our ever-dependable Rough Guide to Europe. After the Bratislava debacle we were seriously questioning the quality and the professionalism of the cartographers employed by The Rogh Guide. Although we expressed this annoyance as "Fucking book".

Luckily we had Anna's address. And Walshe. He spotted some glowing golden arches in the distance and reasoned that where there be light, there be taxis. So we arrived at Macdonalds - "Gerald, Gerald *wide eyed and nodding* 20 nuggets, 20 nuggets" - and ordered 3 Big Mac meals and 12 nuggets (much to Doug's disappointment, but to the huge relief of my heart). A taxi was indeed close. The lovely gent drove us straight to Anna's door, a grandiose abode in the centre of Buda. Trivia: Budapest is split into two halves, either side of the river Danube - Buda and Pest. If you already knew that then I apologise for insulting your intelligence. If you didn't, you're welcome.

We took an elevator - or lift - (the type now obsolete in England) to the fifth floor, where we were greeted by Anna. For the uninitiated, Monty met Anna during his time in Athens, Georgia. In America. She. Is. Awesome. Turns out she's a young professional with a lovely flat and a vast array of homemade preserves and cookies. She bakes. We got settled in - same tshirt for 3 days, so took that off - and popped on 'The Prestige'. We developed an understandable bromance for Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman and then crashed out on a giant mattress on a raised, attic-esque platform above the living room (a bit like yours in Shipton Street Harrison).

Anna is a grown-up, so she went to work at 8am. We slept until 11ish and then bucked our ideas up. And watched Stomp The Yard. Then set out to explore. Buda is quite rocky so you see a lot of hills sporting assorted religious monuments and spectacular views across the river to Pest. We - reluctantly - walked up loads of stairs and took some touristy photos. Mum and Dad'll like 'em. There is a large island in the middle of the Danube river that is the only place you can rightly call Budapest. As it's in the middle of the river. Between Buda and Pest. You get the picture.

The island is home to a sports ground, swimming pools, parks, cafes and a water park. We were rewarded with a copious amount of flesh on show and quite a few old couples getting over-familiar in the whirlpools. Doug rustled up some bruschettas for din-dins and then we got a tram to meet Anna and a friend at a cool outside club called Ditch. Anna's friend was a Mexican/American/Hungarian. One of them. She chatted to Monty for an hour about the celebrities she had met on her travels, including Sergio Ramos in a Madrid nightclub and Serj Tankian of System Of A Down fame. She even showed us some piccies and texts from the Armenian superstar. Bit much, considering we hadn't asked. Anna was pretty damn drunk but insisted on cycling home. After swaying most of the way back, Doug took over. And swayed the rest of the way.

It is certainly worth mentioning that we watched an awful lot of Friends. Anna had the complete collection and Doug had not seen the last series. I'm making excuses. Piss off, it's a great show. Mildly hungover, we swaggered around Pest, trying everything on in H&M and grabbing an extortionate milkshake at Anna Cafe. Not our Anna, it's a cafe chain. Pest houses a huge indoor market, set on 3 levels, with fresh local produce on the bottom and stalls selling clothes, souvenirs and hot food on the other two. Needless to say, Monty and I bought a Puskaš shirt. Hero.

Walshe cooked up a beautiful bolognaise type of vibe for Anna, then we went out to meet her workmates for drinks (and to watch United-Barca). It rained, so we could not go to the outside bar we had planned on. Instead we took a free taxi to Oldman's Pub, a pricey but cool bar/club. We danced, drank, bird-watched.... Walshe pulled a girl called Agda. The usual. Doug's conquest - for want of a better word - invited us all back to their dorms to continue the party. Her friend had pulled a Frenchman, whom Richard had crossed wires with earlier, who also joined. One of their friends was away so I got my own bed :) the Frenchman left. Doug stayed...

After an awkward farewell involving Doug getting Agda's digits and us sharing breakfast that they stole from the market for us, we buggered off. Watched a few episodes of Friends and had a nap until Anna returned from work. She took us to a place called Pizza Boy. Guess what? We had another pizza. Well nice. The next morning we watched Enemy At The Gates and then walked to the touristy bit. It was the first bit of Budapest that wasn't that nice, so testament to the rest of it. I had a wonderful milkshake - causing envy amongst my peers - and bought a purple Ujpest football traing zip-up. Sure. Walshe took an hour and 45 minutes to book his flight home from Dubrovnik and then we watched the last episode of Friends. Tears.

Anna took us to a Mexican restaurant and we stuffed our faces. Monty and I were so desperate for a number 1 that we crossed swords. Walshe took it upon himself to open the door and expose our misdemeanor to the waiting queue. Cheers dick'ead. Our next stop was a huge pool hall/club/games arcade. We played a few frames and then headed downstairs to the basement. That's where the dancing happened. Monty head-butted a girl in the back of the head at the bar and they got chatting. Doug gave a 'thumbs down' to the DJ after a particularly poor selection, receieving and amusingly agrieved reaction. We ended up dancing on a stage until we realised we could ill afford to get drunk. We waited until Monty pulled and then we left.

Next stop, Zagreb...